Saturday, August 11, 2012

Monologue for the lost time

I am a bit lost now...things seem more unintelligible than before. It is the never ending cycle of time; its morning, followed quickly by the afternoon, soon its twilight and then the night engulfs us all. I try to keep track of time but it slips by. Yesterday was the 14th July, I was at home, down with a viral attack and feverishly wishing for recovery. Today it is 11th August, am at home, writing, feverishly wishing for recovery from my writers' block and somehow the time in between seems to have vanished. Or sucked into another dimension parallel to ours.

But how did it do that? I have run errands, co-ordinated shoots, shot tests, compared results, done DI, checked prints, planned short films, read scripts, watched films, obsessed over the actors especially Marlon Brando and Steve McQueen, looked up dates for film festivals, caught up with old friends, mingled with family and made a hundred calls to both the acquainted and the unknowns -- and much more in the last one month. But its nothing new; with the exception of the actors that I chose to obsess over, the month before it was Paul Newman and Meryl Streep now its Brando and McQueen, I have repeated almost all the activities mentioned above with a certain torturous, self inflicted discipline. That's why the only things that mattered today were this day and the other day - the day that I was sick. My thoughts were exactly the same then - I need to get out of bed, start writing more, get in better shape, wake up early morning, join a Yoga class, finish reading Maximum City, start a new book, watch Metropolis again, silence the all powerful self critic and let my thoughts exercise the keypad, eat healthy, take care of my skin and hair and be more open to the world around me - absorb the sounds if not the smells, meet more people, take more pictures, cultivate a garden etc. That's why in my mind almost a month hasn't passed by.

Sometimes I think we, as humans, in our infinite desire to quantize every possible object or material or a phenomenon that surrounds us or happens to us in our lives, often over simplify and unitize everything in the most ridiculously simple and rigid manner possible. Then we relax and rejoice in the self proclaimed glory of our questionable intellect in having found answers to questions that we posed to ourselves. If we have used the same range of intellect (again defined by a set quantity, called the IQ) to ask ourselves the question and the same range of intellect to answer it, how great are our answers anyways? Aren't they limited by the intellectual scope of our question which is in turn is dictated by our ambition, narrow minded as it may be, to somehow find an answer or make one? Time is one such convenient answer. We wanted to give an universally identifiable stamp to all our individual and collective experiences. So we defined time; in sec, minutes, hours, days, months, years, centuries and so on...But what if the time as it really exists is not just that?  

What if time is a humungus complex equation that depends on a number of variables, not just the arithmetic count of the ideal pendulum swinging in a gravity free, inertia less environment  -- and what if you cannot ever ascertain its definite value, because its partly quantifiable and partly metaphysical? The quantifiable part is the one that's consumed by a million recursions of our everyday routines and the metaphysical part is the one that bases itself on state of the individual's  mind which needs more than just repeated recursions for any tangible progress to register. And what if the Earth's total time is the amalgamation of the quantifiable and the metaphysical units of all individuals combined, in the past perfect, present continuous and the future progressive?  

I am on the brink of sounding like a pseudo intellectual, posing questions and throwing random ideas without any solid equations and statistics to support my hypotheses so I will stop right here..The month as recounted above, has definitely passed me by, as per all the accepted definitions of time and maybe the fact that I learnt the usage and application of the new RED Epic camera in stunt sequences should remind me of it. But before I end it, I will leave you with the following: 

Time (as defined by the first result in Google search) The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

Imagine Tina Fey, channeling her alter ego, Liz Lemon of 30 Rock saying, "What the what?" to this. :)

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