During the cinematography praticals, when we practice lighting arrangements and camera movements, we are required to perform different roles: that of lightman, the focus puller, the camera operator, the trolley pusher and that of the model too....ofcourse it is not that we act at all, just make the right movements so that the camera can follow us and the light can expose us.
Of all the jobs mentioned above, I find that being in the spotlight is the hardest. I cannot escape the self consciousness that engulfs me once the lights turn on and the camera is capturing every moment I make. It is weird really because these are the people with whom I interact everyday and it is not like I have to put up a performance or anything; but I cannot deny that what happens to me is a little unusual. I begin to pay attention to the way my eyes are moving, the way my skin partially reflects light, how I get up and sit down; things I never really bother about in real life. And then I wonder about the people who have to be under the scanner; the intrusive media spotlight; the unforgiving public eye for 24/7.....all of them, waiting with bated breath, just for the little slip, the big error and the egregious decision so that they can pounce on them and pull them down from the pedestal that they have put them on...
The lights literally flash out your eyesight; you can hardly see anyone....but everyone else can see you and it is this aspect of being glaringly visible but helplessly blind that constitutes the irony of the entire exercise. It is like being in the real glamour world; everyone gets to judge you but you don't know a zilch about them, their intentions, the reason for their judgements or simply why they get to tell you what you should/ should not be doing with your own life. Every little move the stars make is under the minutest scrutiny and is subject to the harshest of judgments; because somehow since they are popular, they are supposed to have an increased sense of self censor and are responsible to not just their own lives but also of those faceless, identity less people that look up to them and might be influenced to imitate the mistakes done by their idols, having supposedly lost all common sense and judgment of their own.
Life is full of paradoxes I guess....or maybe that's just the price you have to pay for being in spotlight.