Monday, February 23, 2009

Droning through the day...

Happy new year my blogspot...
Must be the most delayed, belated happy new year that anyone has ever said to the other..I mean come on, its 24th Feb...post-Oscar time and the world is still reeling under the spell of Rehmania and Slumdog's miraculous juggernaut and Sean Penn and his gays rights activism and the beautiful Kate Winslet with her spontaneous '..dad, just whistle out so I'd know where you are..'So cute!! But then that's me...I believe in making up for my delays and mistakes even after they cease to make a difference any more...so there!!!

Anyways, I was at home the other day and was just wondering what to do with my time...I told myself "I must make it productive" and wrote it down on 10 post-its and pasted it in different parts of my room so that it would stare in my face even if I tried to make an escape and catch an unnecessary, fat-inducing nap; which I am almost-always-tempted to take even in the most unbedlike spots on the planet. So I reluctantly switched on my computer (hoping that it wouldn't boot and then I would have a legitimate excuse to slog off and later complain about how the Universe conspires against my 'efforts' to fulfil my ultimate 'destiny'.. Ahem!!) and of all the times, that day it booted really fast; even the snail-paced Microsoft Word opened up in a jiffy and I had to sit and type in something that could be passed off as an attempt at writing.

But I was amazed for not even a single word could come out...I just tried to type in any random word but somehow even that seemed hopelessly impossible. My fingers just wouldn't type anything not even an alphabet. They just sat there on the keyboard; frozen as if on the last word that I typed for what it seemed centuries ago. My mind was blank and for the first time in my life, I had nothing to write about.

I recoiled back from the computer, unable to reconcile with this new reality of my life. I couldn't write anymore. But I wasn't going to give up so easy..so I sat back and thought about what I needed to write...something fictional? Not really...I hadn't thought of a plot for a long time now.. Maybe something of a review...but there are just so many online, so no need to add to the already existing garbage...maybe something of a personal experience, an observation, contemplation, a book that I like, poetry, something about photography (that I don''t practice, just preach about..) cinematography, people (gets too personal), places, anything....nothing...at one point of time, I was so into writing I could write an entire day about the word 'no' or 'all' or 'whatever' but now I just couldn't...

The horror of my new 'current status' lasted for two days...in those two days, I slept (predictably, assuring myself that the rest might do the trick...hah, as if) , ran some errands, did mindless couch surfing (but then how else do you watch TV?) and kept buzzing around the house like a lost bee; staring for hours at uninteresting flower vases for inspiration, trying to cut fruits to see if an idea pops out, drawing random circles and retracing them in an effort to sketch out a plan to write but nothing worked...I picked up a Satyajit Ray short story book in an effort to voodify some of the master's creativity into me. I scanned through newspaper meticulously; even reading the bland stock columns to stimulate something inside the jammed clogs of my brain, I cleaned out my closets, washed my clothes, read through some of my old stuff but nothing seemed to even bore me into writing.

And then I did the most unthinkable - I actually stepped into the kitchen and seriously thought about 'cooking'. That was it - I had reached the heights of desperation...it was not just worth it anymore. I began to prepare myself for a life without the painful but gratifying adventure of writing. It would be dull, I thought, terribly unfulfilling, for sure but I will live it through. I said it out loud enough for all the deaf cabinets to hear and finally I let my natural lazy self take over my damned spirited imagineer. At night, I logged onto Youtube and saw clips from 'The Dark Knight' with the menancing Heath 'Joker' Ledger in it. I sat in awed silence and played the clips over and over again...each line he said, the terrifying way in which he said it...I just couldn't get enough...

The next day morning (today), I sat and wrote this piece of fiction...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lady... ideas and concepts don’t come sitting inside a room....go out...go out...may be a bike ride....that’s what I think...let there be a spark :)
Arul
9008152525

Arc_Imagineer said...

Thanks Arul...will do that...
Nice to hear from you after such a long time...
Take care.